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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2007.11.29  21.15 a nod on hold kegan thinks he can beat me in pokemon. he's sadly, sadly, SADLY mistaken. i've only met one person in the UNIVERSE (the new wifi feature is pretty cool) who could beat me, and he used a scizor. my party: go ahead and lose all respect for me, now.

	2007.11.28  15.32 morning bell/amnesiac i stayed home today- had a couple different appointents to attend to. no complaints here! i was overjoyed when my mom told me i wasn't going to school this morning. haha, i don't know why i took this picture. i have a thing for those little asian cats. my semi-obsession's probably derived from the pokemon, meowth. once upon a time, i used a whole party of meowths/persians, even though they're possibly the worst pokemon in the game (besides magikarp. i like him, too). oh well. nobody cares about pokemon anymore. i shouldn't either. last night, i went to south's band/chorus concert with jordan. neither of us were performing in it (even though we very well could have), we just went to support jack and dan. they're goobers. i was disappointed. i mean, with myself. it was hard to see everyone in their cute little dress shoes, twirling around like nervous wrecks. that was me at one point in time. i wish i was still in the chorus. just walking into the school at night pains me- it reminds me of every night i spent squirming in the lobby, waiting for our chorus to induce the audience with sour notes and half-assed singing. i like chorus performances much, much more when i'm experiencing it in those uncomfortable auditorium chairs. well, as jordan said, it was 'potentially' a very, very awkward evening. i won't go into detail. i don't know who's reading this. after the concert, we ran over a leprechaun! it was mystical. he rolled over the car and knocked jordan's left side mirror clean off. you should've been there. i don't think i ever laughed so hard in my life. afterwards, jordan and i ran over to target to buy shayla a buffdai present. well, as you probably guessed, we bought her something ridiculous she'll never use. hey, she'll get a laugh or two out of it. um, yeah. END!

	2007.11.27  15.43 And when you smiled, all the kids fell apart here I know a place where it's warm and it's dry, dear Let me take you there. North of the river all the streets are the same, We can pretend that they don't know our name. And the heat is turned all the way to full; So don't pretend that you don't feel the pull... I am trying to say What I want to say Without having to say "I love you"

	2007.11.26  20.14 Case in point I'm sorry if I've ever disappointed you. I'm sorry if I ever had to work, threw you a bone, broke your heart, cancelled our plans, made a false promise, complained too much, talked too little... I'm sorry if I forgot to return your calls, sign on aim when you wanted me to, respond to messages/comments/emails. I'm sorry for not calling every afternoon like I should. Most of all, I feel sorry for being Kaita Tinkoff. Right now, I'd prefer to be someone else. I'm too flaky for my own good. Hyper Music by Muse is an awe-inspiring song.

	2007.11.24  23.57 One nerve remaining, waiting on one look... Have you got it? I've given myself an anti-pat on the back for choosing the most, boring, disgusting, bland, new layout on the internet. My livejournal page was lacking organization, and that bugs me. GAH. I wish I could code my layout with html. CSS isn't for me. I got a haircut today! Yesterday was fun. I spent it with a friend. It's 12:00 A.M. I'm sorry, faithful reader. I'm putting off yet another entry.

	2007.11.22  22.37 he squeezed my hand and told me softly that i shouldn't be afraid. this thanksgiving has actually been pleasant! my expectations for today were kind of low by default, as my dad's in australia and all. i spent all day trying to primp myself, you know. it's thanksgiving, and i use it as an excuse to look nice. to my dismay, it was next to impossible to look semi-decent. no matter what i tried to do to myself, i felt like i looked like complete crap. maybe it's just low confidence. i don't know. so, i spent tonight in pajamas with my hair all pulled back. i don't like pulling my hair back. it makes me self-conscious. once i let go of my appearance (which is suprisingly easy to do when it's just my family and i), i spent all evening watching rented movies with my family. we all ate thanksgiving dinner around the television. hm. what else? i ate a big ol' plate of mashed potatoes. that's all. i could describe so much more, but i'm feeling blunt and exhausted. cut me some slack, you. as i was already curled up by the t.v., i decided to watch a new episode of grey's anatomy after watching hairspray and ratatouille. i never usually watch t.v., so this was a rare occurance. shows like grey's anatomy make me glad that i don't watch t.v. often. in the show, a firefighter named stan and his buddy (i don't know- i guess he was another firefighter) get caught in this huge accident. turns out that stan was being held together by some sort of metal instrument and a taxi. my mom tried to tell me about it, but i'll admit that i didn't listen to half of what she was saying. it made me queasy. well, apparently, people can be cut in half and not even realise it. as long as something's keeping everything from spilling out (in this case, the taxi and whatever else), they can live. well, they had to pry the other man out of his seat; but to do that, they had to move the taxi. so, stan died. stan's wife is a sniveling mess by now, making all those choking, sobbing noises that i really can't stand to hear. this put a damper on my whole night, as i started thinking too... "in-depth." this scene reminded me of my fear of being alone; my fear of being left behind, my fear of being disliked. i... don't want to live my life alone. i especially don't want to die alone. i don't want to be the single party in a restaurant, or the one sitting by themself in the movies. i always want someone by my side, and i wish i didn't have to doubt that i'll have someone. oh, i wish i could have someone. someone in particular.

	2007.11.21  21.10 You probably thought I had more upstairs. Hey guys. Once again, this post is kind of belated. My last post was on friday, I think. I don't know. There's been some events since then. So, my dad left for Australia on Thursday. Apparently, people in Australia don't celebrate Thanksgiving. I'm so used to him leaving on the holidays that it doesn't seem out of the ordinary anymore. Is that depressing? My grandparents visited unexpectedly on Friday. I love them to death, but I can't stand having them in the house. They're like two timebombs, I swear. They're always bickering. Despite their immaturity, I was glad they came to see us. They seemed to really appreciate our hospitality. I bought two sweatshirts on Saturday. To anyone else, this wouldn't be significant at all. There's a certain something about this time of year; sweatshirts, colder weather, all of the holdays; it makes me nostalgic. On Sunday, I finally sung at my voice lesson's recital. Oi; it had been weighing on me for a while. Apparently, my sister and I earned the most applause out of everyone there. Jordan even came to watch! I don't know. I don't feel like going into detail; I'm just so, so incredibly glad that it's over. Worrying is such a bother. My grandparents left afterwards. Livejournal's been kind of putting me off, lately. My friend Jordan told me a while back about how he couldn't keep one of these, mainly because he'd have to keep two- one he could write everything in, and one for the public. I don't want anyone to be offended, and I want to be able to write my heart out. That's what a journal's for, right? Spilling out your most personal, innermost thoughts? Hm. I may just have to open up a little more. Or... stay off livejournal. So, Thanksgiving break is finally here. I have five days to catch up on some MUCHLY NEEDED me-time. I miss being able to sleep for more than 6 hours, and having time to just lounge around. Lately, it's been so hectic. I think this vacation marks the start of less hectic weeks. I caught up on my work today- made enough money to repay Brett AND a good chunk of my debt to my mom. It's 9:24. Usually I call Jordan around this time. Boy, am I glad he's around. I tell him this occasionally; if anything ever happened to him, I don't know what I'd do. I'd drive myself insane with guilt and sorrow. RAINBOWS SUNSHINE BUTTERFLIES HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

	2007.11.14  19.13 There there. Why so green and lonely? And lonely, and lonely... Heaven sent you to me, to me, to me. We are accidents waiting, waiting to happen. We are accidents, waiting, waiting to happen. I uploaded a rather creepy new default picture. I wanted a change. I've found that I really like reading other's livejournals. It's too bad that my posts never really include any content. I should start writing more so people can like reading mine. Last night, I stumbled upon Radiohead'd older stuff (once again). "OK Computer" is by far their greatest album next to Singing in Rainbow. Thom Yorke's voice is just so captivating and beautiful; I eat it up! I can never have enough of him. Today was kind of a rough day for me. No real reason why; I just didn't like it, that's all. My complexion is getting worse and worse per can of soda. So, you know what I did? I cut soda out of my diet altogether. It's... really hard. I'm used to having atleast two a day. Yeah, yeah, I know how bad it is for me. I need to find another way to get my caffiene buzz. I've been drinking tea, which isn't much of an improvement. Oh! I know. I'll tell you more about last week; While my dad and I were waiting for my lenses to finish... eh... whatever it is the lenses need to do before you can wear them, we wandered around Coconut Point. We went into this little shop I've always seen but never had the desire to visit. It's called Teavana... yeah. You've probably heard of it. I tried all of the different teas and realized that I like the taste of tea (the warm tea) more than most coffees. I tried this stuff; uh, I think it was called White Matte. I really liked it, but it's supe expensive. I don't understand why they'd price teas so high; it's grass and water, basically. It was a kind of experience for me. I don't know why. The place was decorated with asian inspired teapots, buddhas, little teacups... oh, it's a place I could imagine my dad living in. That reminds me. I don't know why, but lately I've been noticing little, little aspects of design. Earlier this week, I thought about jewlery, watches, and glasses. People have to design those, too. Most people, including myself, don't think about the design of glasses- to most, the options are oval-shaped, circle-shaped, square-shaped, rectangular, or the slender almond shape. Then, the rims; red, blue, white, whatever. Well, I walked around the store and I noticed that each pair of glasses has its' own personality. When you put them on your face, they portray a different outlook- a different attitude. Suddenly, I grew more aware of glasses designers. I respect them. Speaaaaaking of respect (oh god, I'm rambling), photography is something that really piques my interest. My photography is usually textures or trees I use as a base for my drawings; nothing that would interest anyone. Yesterday, I stumbled upon this girl's photography site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kristyn_janae_is ...Isn't that amazing? I can't stand that there's so many things about photoshop that I will never know how to do. I don't know what she's doing to her pictures, but it's amazing. I wish I could work photoshop like that. Envy, envy, envy. Her bottles are what I like the most. SPEAKING OF AMAZING PHOTOGRAPHERS! (Eugh, another segway! What's wrong with me?) Check out Luke. He owns. http://www.flickr.com/photos/lucretius/ Yet another artist I envy to no freaking end. Heh, I promised him that I'd buy his book. I'm going to. Okay. New subject. Sorry for boring you. I've kind of opened up to myself over the past week. I'm admitting feelings to myself that I've always, always known I've had. He's what I need. You know, I'm in a really artsy mood tonight. It's kind of tragic that my tablet broke. SIIIIGH. That's going on the christmas list. Speaking of my christmas list, it's super small, and I like it that way. I hate asking my parents for stuff. HATE it. I pretty much want movies, Zelda /Phantom Hour Glass, My Sims, and a few more wii controllers. Ooh! Myxamatosis' on my itunes. This night's shaping up, haha. I think I'll stop now. This post seems... I don't know. Just thrown together. Haha. EDIT: The rest of tonight was phonomenal. Hee. I napped, talked to Jordan and Dan, ate a really good apple and watched Project Runway. I just got off of the phone with Jordan 5 minutes ago. Now I'm going to sleep. Night!

	2007.11.13  19.05 What I want This past week has been a particularly busy one. After the end of every week, I promise everyone I'll be less busy "starting today", but it never works out. I'm just as busy tomorrow, next week, next month. I'm so stressed. I want some free time. Otherwise, here's what you've missed. Glasses. Yesterday. I've been having real vision problems; I can't remember whether I told all of you or not. I think I look horrible in them, but I really don't care anymore. There's only one person I'm looking to impress. My recital's next Sunday. I've been peicing my solo song together- still sounds like crap. Augh. I've been secretely hoping a suprise hurricane will show up and wipe out the theater. Or a dinosaur. Or a meteor. You know, things of the like. So, there's baby poisonous snakes living in my yard. I hope I don't step on one. My neighbor likes to kill them. Badapdapdap. Bland. Well, erm... over the past week, my feelings have changed towards a lot of people. I've grown more attached, I've grown more detached, I've learned more, been lied to, etc. Exciting, ehm? Yeah. I'm really lazy. Bye.

	2007.11.12  23.36 i'm alive! i... er... have a valid reason for my abscence. see, the bears, and the ocean... ................... ..................................... .................and the airplanes..... um, i'll be writing in this regularly again. i am, in fact, alive.

	2007.11.01  15.31 "so i've been thinking... i'm going to live in moracco for one year. i need a new crowd. do you want to come?" "...yes. yeah, yeah." "are you sure?" "ask me again." "do you want to come?" "yes, yes!" "you okay?" "yeah." "it's all happening, baby." best movie ever. patrick fugit has to be the most adorable boy on the face of this planet, honestly. i looooves the fugit. i got my school pictures today. i was a bit disappointed; i was hoping to take a good picture this year. i'm taking the re-takes tomorrow. i was really cranky today, all day. everyone seemed a little exhausted and impatient. halloween was phonomenal. i spent the whole night with jordan- during one half we passed out candy to little tykes, and the other half we were trick-or-treating. a time with jordan is always a good time, i've found. today was mediocre. nothing exciting happened. i know that my posts are boring. sorry!

	2007.10.29  22.51 last goodbye ooh! new livejournal layout. it's positively adorable. i type this to you with a heavy heart and no intentions of posting a picture. i'll start posting pictures tomorrow, i guess. okay, so, my weekend. on saturday, bosak came over. we played guitar hero 3 all afternoon, along with recording a few stupid videos, taking photobooth photos, and other things. today, i woke up with a pounding headache. i took some painkillers, i was alright. i called jordan around 12-ish. we were confused. he picked me up at my house at around 1, then we went to get shayla. when we're all together, we're like, the fantastic three. at first i typed 'fatastic.' i guess that applies. we need some awesome rings or something. FATTIES, unite! my mom decided to act especially douchebaggy today and made me go to tutoring, even though i had nothing to learn. i had to leave shayla and jordan at 4:15, only to go and practice some SAT stuff that i already have down packed. well, tutoring wasn't a total waste. i found out why i'm failing math. no one ever taught me how to factor, and everyone from 9th grade on has just assumed that i had learned it. kind of sad, huh? so, after i got home, jordan and shayla came to pick me up again. sorry, i'm not feeling incredibly descriptive tonight. we went to the pet store and saw cute puppies. that's it. haha. afterwards, we rushed to target to buy candy/dinner. i spent atleast 6 bucks on candy that i haven't even touched. whups. we dropped shayla off on time, and jordan stayed at my house for a bit. we showed him old pictures of my vermont house. nostalgia's a bastard. after he left, my dad dug up some old files. we viewed all of the old, old pictures of vermont; oh, my heart aches. i miss home so much. there were pictures of myra, taylor, and i, the snow, our chickens, my room, city hall, marching band, the pig parade, nancy leary and her kids, the red room, the white room, the dojo... our house. just, gah. i miss it so much. i miss the old telephones, the eerie stories and the summer days. i even miss those winter afternoons; the hot chocolate with marshmallows, the plump snowmen, snowcakes and maple syrup, monstrous christmas trees and lit fireplaces. i miss the essence of our house. i miss my friends. i miss my life. what's tragic is that it'll never be that way again. ever. the house- it's in ruins, now. apparently, the people we sold it to let everything die. everything. that experience only thrives in my memories, which is perhaps why it hurts so badly. i can never, ever relive it. never again. vermont is gone from my life. i have to stop writing, really.

	2007.10.27  22.27 here comes trouble i just finished watching 'almost famous.' it's an older movie, but great nonetheless. the main character- pure, wholesome, and innocent- struggles to keep up as a journalist in the world of rock and roll. i loved it. loved it. on friday, i went to the beach with kiersten, gabe, keegan, brett, jason, anh, michelle, and garren. it was fun! keegan and garren jumped off of the pier, i was a self-concious wreck, and i swallowed about a gallon of salt water. haha, it really was a blast, though. i didn't get even the slightest burn, which was a major relief. i taught them how to make sand balls (horrible picture of me, augh): and the girls took a picture. i look horrible in this one, as well. at this point, i was wet; after that, i went to voice lessons. i thought i sung horribly; i mean, i was fatigued and exhausted from being at the beach 30 minutes prior to arriving at the studio. woo. okay. so, my mom's making me take my driver's test tomorrow. isn't that sad? i need the forceful kind of motivation to actually do something productive. oh well. i get a whole new show to work on tomorrow; work equals money, money equals awesome. tonight i'm sleeping over in my sister's room. why? because i'm just that lame. my sister and i are also somewhat friends. ish. kind of. THE END

	2007.10.24  23.35 Art is Hard Conversations are like art. You start off with your blank canvas, then slowly add strokes of small talk. You watch how it will effect the overall peice; how it manipulates feeling, appeal, and perspective. Those deep, philosophical discussions are probably the most bold- a gushing purple line on your paper, where as a simple hello is the yellow scribble in your far left corner. Occasionally, you'll step back a few feet and look at the immensity of line upon line. It becomes something far greater than simple small talk; far greater than just a doodle. For every person I meet, I have made a subconcious drawing in my mind. Call me odd, call me stupid, whatever. I'll give you examples. Let's say... Gabe? Yeah. His is a really distinguishable one. I'd probably draw our relationship in a gentle mauve. The lines would be slightly overlapping; close together, building off of each other. There's nothing round about his picture. It's simple to process, it makes sense. Brett. A slightly edgier drawing. I'd draw his in dark green. Random juts here and there; mostly consists of lines without a sense of direction. The lines would contort in such a way that every which way you turn it, it looks different. Bosak. Blue. Circles. Rounded lines, all somewhat organized. His drawing somewhat meshes together; swirls and meets at a common point. I'm going to stop now. You probably think I'm weird.

	2007.10.24  15.09 If you want to be the one he's thinking of, you just need, you just need to understand... The dreary weather really set the tone for today. It's not raining, but it's not sunny. It's "in the grey." I took a couple exams- made up homework, re-took tests. I have all A's and B's besides for that darned D, but I don't feel like talking about school. Yesterday, my mom hauled in this giant T.V. for our living room. I find it kind of ironic- I mean, we never watch T.V. Oh well. It's the essence of having a behemoth of a T.V. in the room that really matters. My livejournal is so uninteresting compared to all of my friend's. I'm sorry! I was thinking today- I've met a whole lot of new people this school year, even if it feels like I haven't. Liah! Liah's so adorable. I love the crap out of that girl. Then there's Krystal, who's a real sweetheart. Jack, who thinks I'm as dumb as dirt. I think he's cool, anyway. There's a few acquiantances I've gained, like Ann, Mason, and Chris. There's myspacers who I've grown attached to; Thomas, Nels, Tanner... Mulan just came on my itunes! Wee! "I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars..." You know what I'm thinking of doing next week? Taking pictures. Instead of writing, I'm going to post a picture that embodies my day. I'll start Sunday. Sweetness. I'm practicing my capitals. I can't be lazy anymore. Doesn't it look nice?

	2007.10.23  15.18 This weather has me wanting love more tangible; something I can hold I miss being cute with someone. I miss butterfly kisses, cuddling, touching. I miss looking forward to each day, and dreading every weekend. This is, of course, a bottled desire that I can tuck away. I have a remarkable amount of control- I won't put myself in position for happiness if it'll set me up for utter misery later down the road. No. I just won't. This is not to be misinterpreted. Don't let this thought live in your mind, too. I'm just lonely, that's all. DON'T comment. Don't ask me. Don't acknowledge this post. Capitals.

	2007.10.21  00.11 i guess i had no reason to have high hopes for today. it's a work day, for sure. i honestly don't feel like going into detail. i worked for 6 hours, cleaned for 3, and spent 4 running around coconut point. it wasn't a fun day. i'm getting lazy, i know, i know. sigh. so, last week the clerk at west elm told me they were discontinuing the furniture set that i've been saving for. my mom's been kind of fighting for every last peice of furniture that they have left, which is enough to make my room look complete. i guess it's alright- i'd prefer to buy the whole thing with my own money, but i'm kind of in a tight situation. i mean, debts are no fun. no fun at all. it flat out sucks working to get back to zero. it's an anti-motivation. SOOOO, even after making 300$ this weekend (ad 600$ two weeks ago) i still owe my mom 1300$. it hardly seems fair. sigh. furniture should be one of those parent-funded things. i was kind of in a pissy mood all day. i found out that photoshop won't work on my new computer, that my mom bagged and hid all of my clothes because i forgot to take them off of the coffee table, that i still owe my mom a whopping 1300$... not to mention i woke up at 9:30, only to clean. i'm such a whiner. i'm sorry. it hasn't been a good day, and i'm tired.

	2007.10.19  21.48 am i, am i, am i, not yours, not yours, not yours? jealousy leads to anger, anger leads to sadness, sadness leads to more sadness. that only leads to not feeling good enough for anyone or anything, then it leads to my current state of mind. i worked all day. fun? no. i went to voice lessons. recorded songs that i will never upload to myspace/youtube. oh, i don't care. sorry, livejournal. i'm not in the freaking mood.

	2007.10.16  20.00 fever dreams today was pretty cool! everyone said they liked my hair, which was nice. i kind of didn't do anything to it today. it'll be back to normal tomorrow, i think. school was good. OH! GUESS WHAT?! i KNOW what ms. hall is talking about in algebra! FOR FREAKING ONCE! i deserve a medal. or a creamsicle. let me go get one. ...okay. back. but, yeah. i'm so proud of myself. the thing is- she didn't teach me anything. i learned everything we're learning right now from my freshman math teacher, mr. westran. i miss him dearly! he was a great teacher. today in geometry, some idiot decided to take mr. read's overhead projection sheet and put it on top of the cabinets. i think they under-estimated how angry he would be. he took it out on the whole class, and even went as far as accusing people of doing it. he sent this kid out of the classroom, when i'm positive he didn't do it. mr. read was just pissed that he wouldn't tell him who did it. I think he got two referrals, too. it was kind of admirable, seeing him take the fall for his friends. whoever really hid it should be really ashamed. in web design, i kind of taught gabe again. i always leave that class with a sense of accomplishment. see, i never teach anyone anything. this is a nice change. i had mcdonald's fries after school. i came home, crashed, and woke up at 7. ate dinner, now i'm typing this. such a standard day. that was a boring post. wee!

	2007.10.15  20.48 thank you because you loved me, it's all on me 'cause i didn't want to stay. today's been unreal. UNREAL. the good kind. :D i'm typing this from my new MAC IBOOK, which is a beautiful machine that fits my every need. i'll be able to post videos, make a music myspace (finally!), use a webcam... gah. i was so, so happy when my mom gave it to me. i bought my bed today! it's perfect, just perfect. everything i thought it would be! it took a little while to put together, but it was really worth the time. it's... gorgeous. i feel a little more complete as a person now that this bed is bought and mine. is that sad? anyway. the most important part of the day... katie called. i cried my eyes out on the phone with her. if you know me, you'll know that i never cry. ever. well, i cried. i miss her so, so much. it was so good to hear from her after two years of flat out ignoring each other. god. what was wrong with me? sigh. she's got such a busy life- i guess i just was overwhelmed. i... i'm just so happy. so, genuinely happy. listening to soul coughing and copeland. polar opposites.

	2007.10.14  19.13 house of cards if radiohead's new album was a person, i would buy it a diamond ring and ask it to marry me. seriously. i love it so freaking much. my mom hired a new employee today; he's 21, his name's cory. he's really cool- he worked at the mac store in coconut for a while, but now he's working with us. smart kid, hee. having someone to talk to in the office will be nice! it's kind of awkward between kim and i (this 40 year old mother who works with us). i'm sitting on the floor, NOT doing my test corrections. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i can't procrastinate; not tonight. these test corrections will bring my grade from a C to a B, i need them. i just hope i'm doing them (er, was doing them) right. ooh! someone's calling me! ...okay, back. i just realized i have nothing important today. what IS important is... I HAVE A REALLY COOL HAT. EDIT: you totally won't understand that last sentence unless you watched the zelda spoof, link in my last post. that's not what i wanted to say. it pisses me off to no end when people i don't talk to on myspace steal my music. you know what? it pisses me off in general when i see someone with the music i listen to on their page. i guess i had gotten so used to being the only one who likes what i like. maybe i'm obsessive. maybe i'm a jerk. i don't know, it just annoys me.

	2007.10.14  01.48 everything is in its right place i don't have much to say about today. blank. blankity blankity blank. i worked my butt off all afternoon to pay off debts. i discovered a new word that is particularly hard for me to say (normally). i found a cute little cheat for animal crossing (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTP-nPdmK-w) and a hilarious zelda spoof video. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3heCPcOM_Z0) have fun with those, haha. brett dropped off some bagels today. i'm so spoiled! speaking of brett, his friend says i have a fat eye. i've always been kind of proud of my eyes, their enormity and all. i'm not offended. is this a good picture? i can't tell. the quality makes me sick. (not really.) i admit, half of my incentives for posting this picture is so people don't assume i look like i do in the older pictures below. this is a brand spankin' new picture, wabam. it's me, kaita. my sister taught me how to use this freakish looking device called a 'diffuser' today. apparently, it's supposed to make your hair super curly. it looks like a medieval torture device. anyway. yeah, it made my hair super curly. you can't really see from the picture, but it was. ANYWAIZ i don't have much to add. i watched the matrix and didn't go to homecoming. i don't like dances. night!

	2007.10.12  19.19 you can't be close enough unless i'm feeling your heartbeat i'm re-writing this. my last post bugged me so much that i'm going to describe my day all over again in extreme detail. lucky you? i woke up this morning not knowing who or where i was. i don't know if anyone else has had this happen to them; it's a really odd sensation. i was trying to remember what day it was, whether it was A.M. or P.M., stuff like that. it was almost as if i had forgotten everything about myself. after about five minutes of sitting upright out of bed and staring (blankly) at the clock, i finally got my head together. when i got up from my bed, i tripped on a brush and smacked my head on my t.v. wonderful morning? you betcha! the rest of the morning wasn't nearly as bad- i love throwing a loop in my routine. today i wore red, a color i usually never wear. oh, shut up. it's exciting to me. it was "school colors" day for spirit week today. naturally, i was excited. i mean, come on! one step up from the sophomores. my high spirits were soon stomped on when i saw roughly 5/6 of the school wearing red shirts. HEY, YOU, SOPHOMORE / FRESHMAN! YOUR COLORS ARE NOT RED. haha. gah. underclassmen suck the fun out of getting older. anyway. on a less stuck-up note... school was more enjoyable than usual. not only were all classes five minues short (it really makes a difference when you're eyeing the clock), but i know and understand each grade in every class. i know what i can do to make them better, and what i have to do to keep them up. parentlink doesn't work on my computer for some reason, so it's always a wild guess as to what my grades are. i was pleased when i got 'em in my email the other day. i mentioned this in the other post; besides the D, i'm good. the only significant part of my school day was web design. once again, i taught gabe a little html and messed around with my own webpage. our outdated, 1999 CSS/HTML textbook isn't doing it for me / half of the class. sigh. when i got home, my mom took me to gulf coast to look at matresses / go to gamestop. i'm buying my bed this weekend, so my mom and i went out to buy a matress that would fit the frame. it's not a huge bed frame- just full sized. i would've bought a queen, but it would really swallow my room. i don't really need extra room, anyway. i'm tiny! back on topic. my mom bought me this fantastic cloud of a bed; it's SO soft. like, really. the softest thing i've ever laid on in my life. i forget the material of the matress' name; it's the stuff the nasa guys use. i know you've seen those commercials- the ones where some noisy salesman put a glass of something on the bed and it doesn't spill. tempra... tetris? tempra? pedic? something? okay. whatever. i can't explain it, haha. you'll just have to come test out my bed sometime. after the matress place, i went into gamestop with my brother. i had a conversation with this guy behind the deak; apparently he had just graduated from estero. nice guys work at gamestop. nerdy guys, also. nice and nerdy. even though i hadn't even planned on going, i searched the store high and low for the sims bustin' out for GBA. it was my favorite, FAVORITE game before i spilled noxima all over it. yeah, it never really worked after that. haha. i saw shayla playing it the other day in web design. it was like being slapped in the face with nostalgia. so, now i need a new one. i NEED it. luckily, it's a really, really old game. i bet i can get it for like, 10 bucks on e-bay. moving on. after that, i left for voice lessons. voice lessons were... standard. i usually have to wait 30 minutes in the lobby for my sister to finish up with the voice teacher- but this time, there were two little girls in the waiting room. leska and mary. i kind of kept them occupied for 45 minutes. i didn't mind it so much- they were cute. they drew me pictures and we played with play-doh. maybe i do kind of like kids more than i thought. i don't like the kids i have to babysit, that's for sure. why can't i ever babysit a nice family? sigh. but, yeah. apparently, it's going to be a weekly ritual. they're going to be there every friday to "play with me", they said. i'm not sure if i'm excited or horrified, really. on the way home, i saw a guy riding this motorbike... he looked like a guy i knew, so i kind of stared him down. probably wasn't the smartest idea, i know. he looked at me while i was staring at him. i felt awkward. especially because i realized that he was not at all the guy that i thought he was. he was cute, if it counts for anything. when i got home, my dad was there. he's been gone for about a week now, so it's nice to have him home. on top of him coming home (finally), he also did the most epic deed of all epic deeds dads can do. tongue twister! :D err... yeah! he bought me the new radiohead album! i literally jumped for joy when he gave it to me. i had been waiting for it's realease for atleast 2 weeks, i just didn't have the motivation to order it online. i highly doubt they sell radiohead's cd at any local stores around here. my favorite songs so far are bodysnatchers & weird fishes / arpeggi. props to thom yorke for being original. i basically spent the rest of the night taking painkillers / watching youtube videos / watching reruns of whose line, all simultaneously. finally, there's this new song i heard on my friend's myspace. it's a cheesy, dorky, main-streamy rock/pop song about love and distance (what's new), and i've been playing it back in my head all freaking day. i'm just addicted to it! it's a real guilty pleasure. i'm embarassed to even say the name of the band. well, i guess it's not TOO embarassing. just unlike me. it's so hard to make it, for every inch we get we need a mile more. but there is always so much distance; can't quite feel it somehow you have never ever felt it  like you feel it right now. i'm closing off inside and, oh, it's only just started. you can't be close enough unless i'm feeling your heartbeat this song makes me think of someone. anyway. this is a beast of a post, unlike my other one. i plan on writing like a normal person again, and not like a rushed mongoloid. sorry, readers. whoever you are. haha, apparently a whole bunch of people read this. i wish you'd leave comments or something. i really do look like a loner. haha.

	2007.10.11  17.14 thursday oh, thursday... there's absolutely no reason for today to be a good day, but it wasn't horrible, either. i just came home from the dentist. they shaved down my fangs! i guess it's one of those things that nobody besides me will notice. it makes me feel tons better about my smile. well, i was really there to get some fillings re-filled. five numb shots. five. yeah, i can't feel the left side of my face. GAH! stupid automatic updates! it's asking me every two minutes (precisely!) if i want to shut down my computer. no, laptop, i don't. shut up! okay. anyway. everyone looked so cute today- it was wacky/tacky nerd day at school. i wish i had worn a tie. the main reason i didn't dress up was because i didn't want to show up at the dentist's in some crazy outfit. oh well. oh, guess what? i HELPED someone LEARN today! i feel SO accomplished. web design is one of the only things i actually know inside and out. gah, i'm so proud. while i'm speaking of school, my grades are better than i had thought. i have a high D in ms. hall's class, which was halfway expected. i respect that woman as a human, but not as a teacher. i'm going to go to ms. miller for help, i think. i miss her so much. anyway. i've felt jealous, tired, and worn all day. i'm numb and hungry. i think i'll take a nap.

	2007.10.10  22.24 wednesday i know i haven't written in 2 days. sorry! it's the first time i've done that since a few weeks ago. well, the past two days have been... mediocre, with a splash of depression. is depression ever splashy? my ego is a rollercoaster- sometimes i'm so sure that my life is perfect, and other times, i absolutely hate everything about myself. this is one of those "other times." it's come to my attention that i'm such a mindless twat during school, and after school i waste my life away doing unproductive things like NOT building up my portfolio and NOT working. i can't comprehend anything, my vision is horrible, and stress is just taking over my life. maybe it isn't stress. i don't really know. i don't like the way i look. i wish i was prettier. i wish i was all around better. i just feel like a vacation. gaaaahhh. i can't wait until i'm out of school. thankfully, my future career has nothing to do with school smarts, or attracting people. i figure all of this won't matter in five years- i can be as ugly and uneducated as i want, and i'll still be making good money. wee! you guys have no idea how much i want to go to college. i really, really do. i wish i could just skip over high school and start the REAL stuff- start taking art and web design classes, learning about sculptures, photography, etc... i'm just so tired of not being good enough for teachers, not being good enough to meet expectations, being so overwhelmed with stupid homework crap that will never benefit me... i want to start knowing what i'm talking about. i want to start feeling GREAT about what i'm doing. history? math? english? it's just not doing it for me. i LOVE to write, don't get me wrong. i don't love to write about slavery and depressing conditions. i love calculating money, don't get me wrong. i don't love learning about hypotenuse triangles. tell me, when have you found the hypotenuse of a triangle in real life? huh? huh? and i love learning about heroes, triumphant leaders, and tales of adventure. but when in the world am i ever going to need to recite the events of the 1600's by heart? i'm starting to doubt these textbooks are legit, anyway. 410 years is a long time- i'm sure tons of people have lied. i'm going to have to start writing in a seperate journal. i can't write about my love interest in here, i'll get thousands of questions and death mails. haha. despite my sucky day(s), this really made me laugh: ahahahahaha. whoever answered this on their test is my hero. so clever. i thought i'd HATE my I.T. class, but i actually kind of like it. i've learned absolutely nothing all year, but seeing hunter and matt every day... it's good. they're such cuties, really. hunter's like, a little peter parker. matt's just kickbutt, period. two coolest sophomores, besides kegan, keegan, and liah. i can almost say with confidence that every other sophomore at south fort myers is punch-in-the-face-able. did that sentence even make sense? let me retry: BESIDES THOSE LISTED ABOVE, I PRETTY MUCH WANT TO SOCK ALL OF THE SOPHOMORES IN THE FACE. haha. that sounds like something a sophomore would say. maybe i deserve to be socked in the face. LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA okai. here's a summary of the past two days (feelings in order) ill --> boredom --> boredom --> ill --> boredom --> love --> boredom --> boredom --> disturbed --> sleepy  = tuesday sleepy --> contemplative --> annoyed --> pleased --> tired --> CONFUSED --> lazy --> lustful --> mediocre --> happy --> annoyed --> happy --> tired --> annoyed --> ANNOYED --> sad --> angry --> tired --> embarassed --> flattered --> sad --> hungry --> love = wednesday i may have bipolar disorder, hahahahaha.